Didactic

"Infidel" by Ayaan Hirsi Ali

In the book "Infidel" Ayaan Hirsi Ali confronts the reality of her own experience as a Muslim woman. She is faced with the unequal treatment of women and the "absolute" didactic in the teachings of the Quran. In her book she states, "Humans themselves are the source of good and evil... We must think for ourselves; we are responsible for our own morality. I arrived at the conclusion that I couldn't be honest with others unless I was honest with myself. I wanted to comply with the goals of religion, which are to be a better and more generous person, without suppressing my will and forcing it to obey inhuman rules. I would no longer lie, to myself or others. I had enough of lying. I was no longer afraid of the Hereafter." Quite a brazen statement for any kind of believer.

It stopped me in my tracks! "I would no longer lie, to myself or others." I find I am choosing this same thing, starting with myself. It is unleashing both fear and a new sense of reality. I haven't fully reached the layer of others because I am not yet sure of how I believe or what I believe like being in the middle of a lake treading water. I don't have too intense a fear or guilt about this anymore but this change of faith has created a lot of unrest in me, some loss but gain in all as experience creates growth. I think and choose for myself now. I make peace.

She illustrates further how Muslim women are still walking about veiled even though they were living in Holland and how "Islam was like a mental cage". She gives a painful illustration and writes, "At first, when you open the door, the caged bird stays inside: it is frightened. It has internalized its imprisonment. It takes time for the bird to escape, even after someone has opened the doors to its cage." I find this to be true for a great many things, this kind of internalized imprisonment. We choose beliefs of all kinds to live by thereby creating a system of thoughts to live by and then ultimately embody. Is it not then very, very important to review what you believe about yourself and God?

When I say stuff like this I get scared because of "what" I am questioning because of my upbringing. The scared part is the indefinition of things now, where I have made room for "my" self, at the expense of my belief.

I stepped away from God because I couldn't believe anymore in what I was saying, or my role as a christian wife, so I stopped. I started unwrapping the anger I contained inside after saying all those things to myself, all those years, so to be what I thought correct. God was never unloving, it was just that I found life on this earth to be less than sacrosanct so began acting on what I felt rather than what I thought. It really wasn't Gods fault I had no more faith to believe or to pray. I just didn't believe things were ever going to be any different than they were in certain area's of my relationship and I still don't. People are who they are and some things just never change. Sometimes things don't turn out the way you think...

So after my separation I faced the question of unlawful sex!! After being sexually active in marriage for 16 years was I to wait to be married again in order not to be immoral? Did I have to get married to qualify for the right to have sex? What if I didn't want to get married again? Was I never to have sex again? Most of this I've pondered on my own occasionally asking questions of God but finding no answers because the questions seemed inappropriate. So I figured I could have sex or go to hell so I decided for sex and against hell. I can hardly believe what I'm saying. And why do I think so much?!? Mmmm... This is part of my mental cage. I still think of Jesus and haven't quiet decided how I fit into that picture. He's been a great teacher of mine.

Didactic

Etymology: Greek didaktikos, from didaskein to teach
Date: 1658
1 a: designed or intended to teach b: intended to convey instruction and information as well as pleasure and entertainment 2: making moral observations.