Reform

When considering my overridding guilt about leaving my spouse; my inability to qualify myself in making this decision, the word "reform" rises up in me. I/my mind needs reform. My soul has closed to the intimate union. ...I lament the loss of our unity & our adventures at the cost of my inherent need to be known.

Carried in my role, every moment I was keeping
but in it was aware there was something sad and sleeping.
My yellow hair kept tied in a ribbon 'neath a bow
and all the whilst was running from derision to and fro.
My cumbersome desires growing deeper by the minute
I untied the vile habit drawing colors from my closet.
He chided my emmisions, belittled all my fears,
colored me with choices drawing nothing from my ears.
With wings extended wide the words were driven home,
there aren't any pennies in the river on the moon.
My mind it's smile abating, being driven by the scorn
was itself a tethered horse 'neath the leather all was torn.

Quiet eyes. Quiet will. Quiet ways I know you.
No words convey your meaning to his mind sullied by his thought.
Chilly transmission no measures no timbre.
I give up. I am covered in night.
I die waking basking in the deep.

Measured somber half sleep waiting, laying beside cool waters...
Tell me something I say my heart like a stone,
"Lone cold crime drowned deep mourning slather".
I am alone in this chasm of thought, while echoes hollow deep.
I find no answers here but know I cannot return from where I have been.
There are no road posts, only space as I stare into this pain...
Why must I choose, your life or mine.





sully

: to make soiled or tarnished : defile



abating

1 a: to put an end to b: nullify 1 2 a: to reduce in degree or intensity : moderate b: to reduce in value or amount : make less especially by way of relief 3: deduct, omit 4 a: to beat down or cut away so as to leave a figure in relief obsolete : blunt5: deprive 2intransitive verb1: to decrease in force or intensity2 a: to become defeated or become null or void b: to decrease in amount or value
— abat·er noun



derision

1 a: the use of ridicule or scorn to show contempt b: a state of being derided2: an object of ridicule or scorn



reform

1 a: to put or change into an improved form or condition

b: to amend or improve by change of form or removal of faults or abuses

2: to put an end to (an evil) by enforcing or introducing a better method or course of action

3: to induce or cause to abandon evil ways

4 a: to subject (hydrocarbons) to cracking b: to produce (as gasoline or gas) by crackingintransitive verb: to become changed for the better