I Breathe

I saw a shaman on television this morning. I have been drawn to these people with awe and suspicion for many years being raised within a fundamental western faith. This morning was much like luck, being prepared when the opportunity presents itself and all of my thoughts came into alignment. My faith, the things I have come to believe as real, my sense of understanding of the world and the evidence of my higher awareness seeking what I need were all activated at once as I stood in my underwear sipping coffee. I watched as a small native man used his voice as medicine and creating energy vibrations. He used words to affect varying levels of consciousness He moved his hands over the afflicted woman's body in order to adjust her energy and he collected and disposed of that unwanted matter which he had used the palm of his hands to draw out. There is no doubt belief in the existence of a higher power being exercised within indigenous tribes, which for me is the existence of God, in which he exercised faith. I saw the shaman combining many applications of energy healing I have come to be aware of. What I saw him do I realized is keenly ours. Our innate ability to heal and therefore transform and exorcise what's ill, in mind, body and soul. I have been seeking this an answer for years about how to accept what is shamanic. These are acts of healing through faith. Manipulating energy, biorhythms, circulation, breath and thought. They do this "because" they believe even without all the scientific evidence we have at hand. Their mind and spirit knows.

How then, therefore, can we judge what course of treatment is more highly esteemed when seeking to be healed? The exercise of consciousness and a non-judgemental approach is needed. Is it not the quest for life that drives all down paths of healing?

Supplant

I still wonder if I my choice was in vain. I remember myself thinking so many times my own rules for indecision. One was if I couldn't make a decision then the answer is no. If I can't decide, it's no for now. Another was to flip a coin. I never could do it regarding one certain roadblock of indecision, I was sure the coin would come up heads if I had said heads and I'd have to return to what I had fled from. I was sure it would tell me go home. So why wouldn't I exercise my simple personal guidelines. I couldn't decide to leave and I didn't want to go back. I didn't want to flip the coin and see it say hey see, here's what you wanted to know, here you go, now move back home. I would not again receive the bridle.

Everyday I flash to a little something here or there about my choice. Today it was about the fact that I had given up the relationship I know could have succeeded in remaining married until death. I know this without a shadow of a doubt. It was never boring it was present. We were always yanking at each other, yammering, poking fun and rubbing each other the wrong way. Mostly me getting rubbed the wrong way. My spouse doing all the yanking, yammering and poking.

So what is this supplanting, what am I supplanting. A different way. A fuller expression of me for the cornered static bound one. IT IS SOOOOO, SOOOOOO, VERY PAINFUL! As I see more clearly, I recognize the fact that I have created a position of absolute opposition to the way I had agreed and been promised too.

I did flip the coin. It was 5 months after the divorce and it did come up heads like I said but maybe I finally willed it to do that with all my own anguish. I guess I did make the decision because I did leave and now am akin to the persuasion of my own mind to rest and wait.

SupplantFunction: verb
Text: to take the place of — see replace 1