I Can Taste Eternity

It is this overwhelming sense of love that I feel for you... This immersing rush of energy when laying with you, touching you, kissing you. Words have no meaning, only loves essence as it pours from my soul to cover you. I love you.

It is this fragility of life that touches me every now and then and takes me by surprise, when someone I love is having a momentary lose of life and is pressing close to the thin veil of time and all you have are prayers. Lucid and powerful the emotional connections - the way we share as we stand seperate in our skin. I love you.

She died in peace. I didn't know her but feel her pass. The family the vessel of her memory, motherless children, with sorrow and joy give birth to tomorrow. Always will there be the pain. The moment is right when we are thinking about you. We in our lose, feelings very powerful as we stand next to you seperate in our skin. Your hands now touching eternity. I love you.

Soul Music

Just when you think it can't get any worse it can... Just like when you don't expect something to come and it does or you think life can't get any weirder and it does in the middle of an ordinary day. Like wanting pie and all they have left is soup or cake. Or spending a quiet afternoon with a friend and running into the best Japanese noodle shop on the planet. I smile when I think of a recent Sunday evening when I finally made time for myself to listen to some music that a friend who lives in California alerted me to that was showing in St. Paul. How out of the ordinary is that? So we went, my boyfriend and I, to listen to a very uncommon duo of a woman and a daughter/son as he calls himself, we listened to their music journey. She plays the bass and makes fun of us and makes light of things. He tells of his past and plays guitar singing in the most haunting voice regarding hard choices and recently becoming a man. She makes a beautiful man I say to my boyfriend. They harmonize on a creative alchemical level, journeying by soul there. Their songs containing messages of the heart about grief, the question of acceptance, suffering, change, making peace and love. Their music is this metaphysical union of their geniuses that carries like the sound of angels. What they are playing is not just music, it is the embodiment of who they are.

Oaxaca

After 10 days of traveling, 240 hours of breathing and not thinking about anything but the sensations that surrounded me I reached my soul. My body lean from not eating much and awakened from the sun, walking and swimming I perceived the energy of the location rise above the ground around me like water swelling. It was as if I could see it, this psychic energy roaring about my legs in great waves. I could enter in and out of other peoples bodies and be them, feel their spirit and feel what they were experiencing. It was amazing and somewhat shocking. Then that day came to an end and I left those people. And the next day had to go back to the states, back to the city, back to the responsibilities of my domestic life and happily back to my lover. I do not want to let go of this awareness inside of me. It's something you can't ask to happen but become aware of in certain places with certain people or sometimes alone if the senses are willing. With this trip I commit myself to the wilder parts of me and my creative work.

Her Secrets

I was talking to a women one morning, while she was weeping and gasping for air, the life had gone out of her marriage because of a departure inside her lovers heart. She was lost without his solace. She started unlacing her shoes, she was going to take him off and leave with her heart.

There were discovered secret talks with too much meaning somewhere between the waters and the shore. The one had spoken them the other one had discovered and she was given a name.

I was talking to a women one morning, while she was weeping and gasping for air. Her man was talking to too. His story was the same but he wants me not to tell, about the women between the water and the shore. I hope they come to terms, I hope she never asks again what I may have to tell.

Today I Wear My Smile

Waking tired I’m dead a sleep, I do not want to move.
Move I do, I wash my face with vanquished energy.
My clothes look worn and old they’re used
but purchase I cannot.
I think and I can change this style,
I can wear my smile.

With make up on and hair brushed back
I take my coat and coffee.
To drive as every other morn, down this forsaken highway!
But speak with loving thoughts and cheer
to heart and mind a while.
The hurdles melt along the way
for I can wear my smile.

Good Grief

"Any feeling of bleakness gives you the chance to look (even if starkly) at what is real in our lives. What do you value? What do you hold dear? Are your actions reflecting those values? And what can you do to make it so?"


What do I value and how are my actions reflecting those values? I am not sure really...


I find myself in this place of grief attached to the life I had. One that was the only one I planned for, all of my values were centered around this commitment, my belief, values, identity, reality and daily tasks. I grieve for the relationship that was less than I needed intimately but satisfying in the most complete way. As I try to seperate I find there is a duality with me. The one with my former life and the one I am living. A new one being born on the inside of me while the old one carries on all around me. This sounds like a painting.


"Look for the openings, the cracks, that will lead you to a new and even more fantastic way of being, because that is what this change is really all about. Life is intended to bring and show you joy."





confirmEtymology:
Middle English, from Anglo-French cunfermer, from Latin confirmare, from com- + firmare to make firm, from firmus firm.
Date: 13th century
1 : to give approval to : ratify 2 : to make firm or firmer : strengthen 3 : to administer the rite of confirmation to 4 : to give new assurance of the validity of : remove doubt about by authoritative act or indisputable fact synonyms confirm , corroborate , substantiate , verify , authenticate , validate mean to attest to the truth or validity of something. confirm implies the removing of doubts by an authoritative statement or indisputable fact.

Ruminating

I walk astride a path of choice
while trying not
to step
in quicksand or into the light.
And blythely straddle across
the casm of pain
squeeze past loss
stepping over hope
in between hate
desparation
conviction
love
and abject derision.
I choose not to decide.